Next week, my baby girl will be turning 12. The last year before she is an official teen . . . oh no! How did all those years go by . . . so very quickly? But they did. It has been said that the days can seem long, but the years are always short. Indeed! And I have had the gift of living them all . . . right along side of her.
My mind goes back to passage in a book I have read to her so many times . . .
“I am your parent, You are my child . . .
I am your dandelion, You are my first wish . . .
I am your good-night kiss, You are my
I LOVE YOU!”
This is “A Friday Moment” I am holding on to . . . I Love You, Chloé! So this is especially for you, Chloé . . .
I am drifting back and forth over all your years and I wish to thank you for coming into my life. I wish to share with you a lesson in loving as I am still learning and we can continue to learn together. You have taught me so very, very much.
It is always interesting how people will remark on how much you have changed over time. I get what they are saying but I see it differently. Because they see all the physical changes that occur throughout childhood. So yes, you, of course, have changed immensely. What child doesn’t?
Your name means “blooming” and that is what I have always seen in you. For me, you came into this world complete and whole. With everyday of your life, you have opened up a wee bit more. This blooming is slow and gradual, but constantly steady. That has been my gift . . . seeing you unfold. I am filled with love just thinking of you! I have seen lots of you and know that as you mature I will see less and less. That is normal. As your mom, I wish to know all of you but I understand.
You have always had a solitary thoughtfulness about you. It makes you so very you and so very special. You analysis people and the world around you . . . quiet contemplation. Sometimes you seem rather aloof and other times you seem a bit melancholy. I see that sweet sadness in pictures of you. It has always been there. You shield yourself in order to protect yourself. Pulling a blanket to cover yourself, clinging on to me tighter, shying away from others, a piercing stare to create distance. Oh my baby girl, I cry writing this . . . both tears of joy and sadness wrapped up together. I am happy you are you and at the same time I so want so bad to protect you always.
I want to tell you that everything will be good and right in your life. But that is . . . a lie. I want to make sure that you are never hurt; I want to dry all your tears. But I . . . can’t. I wish for you to laugh, sing and dance. But life is more complicated and difficult than just that. But life is full of love too! It is all around you and it is there for you.
Because what I can tell you is “I Love You, Chloé” . . . and always will! And I understand you . . . I know a lot about protecting and shielding. I, like you, can be guarded and afraid of feeling love. We feel the vulnerability of it all and get scared. Please, don’t ever be too scared. When you open; you receive. There is so much in your life to experience . . . so much love! So Chloé . . .
My birthday wish to you is to love yourself . . . as you! Life is so many things . . . but loving yourself just as you are makes your life that much more beautiful! You are more than I could have ever wished for . . . and I am so very grateful I allowed love in my life because I got YOU!
I can dream into the future . . . but life is full of mystery. But, baby girl of mine, there is one thing for certain and that is, I will always love you, Chloé!
As I say every night, . . . and always will,
“How did I get so lucky to have the best little girl in the world? I Love You, Chloé Kikstra!”
Your Mommy, M.